How did he do it? He tried before! Backed out that time caught in the liminal what if? This time he probably put it around his neck and tried out the feeling, the sensation at least a week in advance.
He decided, and that was that, threw it over the beam didn’t let it dangle just did it. With a sacrificial tear in his eye he kicked the chair. The mind is blank, no thought, the hands and arms just have a purpose. There was no thinking or ambivalence. Of course if an emergency had awakened the mind in him, fire, fire, help me, we need you, the child is drowning! Someone help me please! Jesus help me the fire is burning my body.
The noose would have been loosened dropping down kicking the chair he’d have ran, he’d have called, he’d have screamed come on everybody help them .
If someone broke into his house and threatened to kill him what then? Then he would have fought, then he would have attacked to save his self, then he would have screamed and shouted ‘don’t touch me, don’t even try it I have a gun upstairs, his life is his to preserve. It is precious.
When it is his self the only entity, the only life in the soul that needs help, the back turns and leaves it to its own devices.
The energy is obsolete breathing out with hatred, fire in the belly mellows in abeyance. Who can you call? I want to kill myself. I can’t see a reason to live! These thoughts are making it seem that this decision is the right one. What is there to live for what would they think? Cry baby.
A grown man like me. I want to end it all. If you call for help it doesn’t leave a lesion, have the same emphasis as actually being found hanging. Then they know I meant it. It is crying like a baby, looking for attention, I want to commit suicide, I feel like it. How do you say it? It is complex, profound, exciting and all knowing if you ask for help you can’t mean it! What would you know?
‘nothing like the real thing’ then they know he’s tasted purity.
Life should be open for discussion not destruction!